Mom Slams 'Supermom' Label In Viral TikTok

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“If you are the thing keeping it all together, it was never sustainable.”

By Cassandra Stone August 4, 2023

Laura Danger/TikTok

How many times have we heard it? From our family, friends, fellow parents, advertisements, social media and so on? “You’re a supermom.” Everyone expects it to feel good to be the ultimate mom, holding everything together.

But it doesn’t feel good, does it? Because when you think about everything it entails to be “supermom,” it’s exhausting. And unfair.

Mom, podcast host, and educator Lauren Danger (whose TikTok account is full of brilliant takes, by the way) perfectly explains everything that’s wrong with being labeled a “supermom” and why she never wants to hear that she is one.

“I will fight anyone in the street who calls me a supermom,” she begins her video. “I am not a super mom. I never want a be a super mom. I never want anyone to refer to me as so strong. Jack of all trades. ‘We literally couldn’t do it without her. If you weren’t here, everything would fall apart.'”

Im okay. I contribute. I am valued. But not as the only thing keeping it all together.

Everyone thinks it’s a compliment—we’re even expected to accept it as a compliment. But it isn’t, is it, when that particular moniker is so heavy.

“I never want to be so essential to an organization or a group or even my family that everything relies on me,” she continues. “I want to be important enough that I matter. I want to bring something to the table. But I do not want to be the one sustaining anything.”

We’re expected to Do It All, and not only that, but to want to Do It All. But we’re also supposed to do self-care. And the self-care all moms need and deserve? REST.

“I do not want to be so strong. I want to live a life of ease. I want to be empowered to rest. I am not a supermom. I will never be a super mom.”

If you’re not having an epiphany yet or ready to stand up and applaud her words, here’s where Danger brings it all home:

“If you were to match the energy and effort being put in by other people, and give just as much as them, and the whole thing would fall apart, you are overcompensating to a point that it was unsustainable. If you are the thing keeping it all together, it was never sustainable.”

IT WAS NEVER SUSTAINABLE. Whew.

Related: Doing it all is not a badge of honor for working moms

The comments section of her video is, predictably, full of fellow moms who felt incredibly impacted by and empowered by her words.

“It’s like those job postings asking for a “rockstar” they just mean they want someone to overwork.”

I never wanted to be a strong super mom, I wanted help and support.

I don’t want to be somebody’s rock or everything either.

calling me resilient is fighting words. I completely agree.

Agreed. What resonated the most is “I want to rest” as I feel like I don’t get that. Ever. To rest. For my mind to rest.

I thought for so long that this is what I HAD to be. I actually strived to be the one to hold everything together and be so strong.

Related: Are you a burned out mom? Here’s how to tell, according to a psychologist

As a woman who spent an entire year being a full-time caretaker to a spouse fighting cancer, full-time employee, and full-time mom, I absolutely never want to hear how “strong” or “resilient” I am ever again. You know why? Because the people who leap to tell me those things are usually the same people who were nowhere to be found when I needed support the most. No one should ever be expected to handle everything. To be your family’s “rock.” And to do it all with pride, sans complaint.

Being a “supermom” is impossible, full stop. And we shouldn’t be made to feel like it’s attainable or desirable. Because it isn’t.